Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The Monster in Vegas Cleaner version for female market.

 The Monster in Vegas
By: The Dyslexic Smoking Man

I awoke in a newly renovated room at the Flamingo in Vegas to a faint raspy voice that was shouting “Smokey, hey Smokey, Whazz up Smokey?”

In a bit of a shocked state I quickly scan the room for an intruder, my hand clenching the phone in case I need a weapon.

“Smokey, god damn it, put down the phone, look at me man, I’m alive, throw down the sheets….”

That voice is coming from my bed as I squeeze the phone tighter. I prop up to get better leverage,  adrenaline pumping in my veins with fear, I slowly, carefully with one hand start pulling the sheets off, the other hand has the phone straight up ready to deliver a crushing blow. 
Nothing, no one here, in my immediate panic and fear I never noticed I have a massive erection. Haven’t seen that in about a year. 

Then panic really sets in, is this some one punking me?Did they secretly slipped me Viagra and filming this for a YouTube hit, where is the hidden speaker? 

What happened next sent my heart a millimeter away from cardiac arrest.

It was my penis speaking to me, the slit was moving with every word it said, it had tiny teeth a tong, with what appeared to be microscopic sunglasses and was smoking a cigar.

“Ha, ha, Smokey, what are we going to do about this?”

It was smiling at me Then said.

“We are in Vegas man, get the yellow pages, get me some pussy dude, I want four chic’s, 3 skinny ones and one big fat one?”

My mind races to last night, who drugged me?, this is not possible. 

I’m not talking to it, I’m not crazy. I grab the channel changer and turn on the TV, hoping whatever I was drugged with wears off soon.

Oh…Smokeeeey….talk to me dude, I understand, you’re a cheap bastard, you don’t want to spend the money on some young nectar, I get it. 

I have a solution, bring your hand down here, come try and strangle me, I will try and get away, but you know I can’t, but we know how this will end, I will puke straight up onto all four blades of the ceiling fan. Then the centrifugal force will fling it onto the walls and if someone gets murdered in this room you got some explaining to do. Spend the money buddy, get me the girls you cheap fucking bastard”

I start watching the movie previews.

“Smokey put the porn channel on, just me and you here, I won’t tell anyone.”

I look down at my dick and say,“can you please shut up”

“Oh your talking to me now, that’s a good start.” Then it goes into a hysterical laughing fit and starts coughing.

“Come on man call them up, I won’t tell Debbie, you know I have a vault, not like you pussy.”

I angrily look right at him and say, “What would you do with four women, are you a complete idiot, that's like 2000 dollars”

“Ha ha, Revenge my dear boy, revenge. First I would get us all oiled up, then we dive in for an 8 tit body slide, I pop up between the boobs, give them a little bite and kiss, my teeth are too small to hurt them, then I get the three skinny ones on one side of the bed on their knees asses high up in the air. The fat one on her back facing them, her legs in v formation, then you go down on her as they jealously watch. It would be amazing. To watch the skinny ones get pissed that you are only giving fatty the respect.”

At this point I get light headed, everything went dark, and I hear a ringing sound.

I open my eyes still in the flamingo, that’s good, I was dreaming, thank god, that was so damn real, I answer the phone and it’s my wife Debbie.

“Hi honey, am I ever glad you called, I was having a horrible nightmare, phone woke me from it, thanks” I said.

“Ah, Richard, I miss you, are you all set for the armature book writer’s convention, and did you meet up with Blithe barrington?” She said.

Before I can answer all I hear is a raspy voice that says. 

“Oh Smokeeeey...........................”