Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Excerpt from my book, it's sucking big time. I can't write.

Chapter 1

Back in the late 70’s charming every teacher for every last drop of 50%,  high school was mission; realistically I earned 30’s tops. I had a problem with concentration and gifting apples.

What is wrong with this picture, English 50% Math 50% Science 50%. Shop Class 50% Gym 50% Drama 95% .

My drama teacher Mr. Tennis had an addiction to pot, so did some of his students, I have always had a good set of lungs.

University was not an option for me. I even applied for some courses at community collage but failed the entry exam badly. Dyslexics have a hard time reading, watching movies and learning by trying is the only way it works for us. 

After high school I started off as a bus boy at the Four Season’s Sheraton hotel in Yorkville, and that’s where I made 

my first trade. 

The chief was a lush, Indian man with a turban, first one I ever seen, he was   an alcoholic’s,   alcoholic. His name was Khan. One of their most treasured slaves of the hotel. Movie and rock stars would make their way there for his amazing dishes.

I having sole possession of the keys to the beer fridge and not a lot of loot negotiated my first trade in my life with Khan.

I feed you booze you feed me food. It was working out great, steak, crab, lobster every night till the food and beverage manager Matthias walked in on one of my booze runs.

He was a dip shit always try to pressure the waitresses to suck his dick, he was ugly as shit, but he had power, and got blown once in a while.

I would stash the booze in the garbage, take it up to the kitchen, then wink in Morris code, then Khan would go into it and collect his bounty, never washing his hands, then a dude from room service would bring down my dinner. 

On the night I got busted, Mantises was in a foul mood, no blow jobs for a few weeks, He use to hit on and get some of the young waitress in the SRO room. This prick was ready to explode all over the room. 

I get caught red handed, booze in garbage I was in the kitchen half way threw my transaction. I’m shitting my paints, still a kid.

Chief Khan comes running to my rescue, whispers something in the Matthias’s ear, Matthias’s walks away looking at his shoes like a little boy who just got caught playing doctor with his cousin.  Don’t know what he said.

Open for Business again, obviously he had the dirt on the pervert, I learned a lesson that day, everyone has a price, anyone can be bought and sold. I didn't really do much with that till about 10 years later.  

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

My up coming book. Yes that's me.

The Loser’s Lounge

The Ultimate Success Guide Book

Back cover of book!

Who should not BUY this book?

·       People with strong religious convictions.

·       People that believe University makes you smart.

·       People that love to follow rules and play fair.

·       People that expect perfect grammar and spelling in a book.

·       People offended by fucking profanity.

·       People that love teachers, pats on the head and pleasing.

·       People that read books everyday, fuck you’re annoying.

·       People that blush when talking about kinky sex.

·       People that don’t lie, think it’s bad rather than an Art.

·       People that believe the news.

·       People that don’t like getting hammered and high.

Now that I have excluded 95% of my market and the population lets get down to business and make some loot. Let’s face it, we need bitches, and dumb down monkeys to shine our shoes, wash our cars, and serve our meals and work for us. Society needs peasants.  Not everyone has what it takes to be the owner.

Not everyone can become a Smoking Man!

FIRST Paragraph

How are words invented?

Cunt! One of the most repugnant words in society today. That word congers up all kinds of crazy images in ones head. Where do words like cunt come from? How many of you have asked yourselves that question? Was it invented by a dude who went down on his lady, only to discover she had one bad ass yeast infection, that dripping smelly monster with three eyes was five times the size of a grape fruit while pulsating and squirting out massive chunks of Technicolor slime, he must have just snap his head back almost ripping it off his shoulders and screamed out CUNT!!!!.  

I give you, the birth of a word.

Now that I have scared off every bible thumping, politically correct tree hugging mommas boys and girls lets get down to the business of making money the real way, my audience is down to 5% hopefully.